Hold the Phone! All I Want for Hanukah....

is a Gnome Bowling Set and an ilogic hat.

Too bad I don't eat sweets. Chocolate Scrabble would be tempting.

I'm all for creativity, but man, people need more to do.

Is an honest governor too much to ask for?

Illinois - where all the state parks are closed, all the dead people vote, and all the governors get indicted.

(OK, not all of them. Just the majority.)

In the immortal words on Hermoine Granger: "What...an...idiot."

The Near Enemy

I just finished reading The Cruelest Month by Louise Penny. Loved it, want to have written it, am jealous of how good it is (which I find particularly interesting since one of the themes running through it is jealousy and how destructive it is). It is a real book - meaning not just a mystery novel, but one with interwoven themes, characters who are real, and a thought-provoking story.

I would love to write a book like it, and I don't think I can. I know I need to write the book I can write. But this is precisely what has stopped me from writing. My book is pitifully simplistic in comparison. Actually, my book sucks. I don't say that out of false modesty. It truly sucks.

But I think I have to write it anyway. Last year when I traveled to Madison, I met the adopted daughter of one of my information sources. She has an interesting name (sorry, not sharing - you'll have to read the book) and I asked her mom if it was OK to name a character after the daughter. Mom said yes, but she wouldn't tell her daughter until the book comes out. Mom didn't say this, but daughter has had enough disappointment and false hope in her life.

This weekend while I was in Madison I had dinner with both of them; daughter asked me if I'm going to use her name in it (and if the book will be sold in Madison). Yikes. It's not OK to let children down.

One line in particular from The Cruelest Month sticks with me: "The near enemy. It isn't a person is it? It's ourselves." I think I need to write the book, even if it sucks. Maybe precisely because it sucks.

Camp Wellstone Rocks!

Just got back from a 2.5 day training in Madison, Wisconsin run by Wellstone Action for people interested in advancing progressive candidates and issues. There are three tracks: Citizen activism, running for office or managing a campaign. I followed the managing a campaign track and learned an incredible amount. It's subsidized and well worth the sliding scale fee. (We also got an incredible deal through the Name Your Own Price program at priceline.com and stayed at the lovely Madison Concourse hotel for a third of what it would have cost otherwise.) I know my wife was concerned that I'd come back even more wound up about politics, but I actually feel calmer and more focused. I understand more about how to be effective politically, which translates to feeling more powerful. I know rage = anger plus shame, and shame is often bound to powerlessness. Though I feel no less angry, I do feel less enraged. I have some idea of how to harness that anger in positive ways. The friend I attended with wanted to know what I thought I would do next with what I learned; I'm not sure yet. I'll keep you up to date.

My Dog, My Litmus Test

I realized again this morning what a great indicator my dog Merlin is of my spiritual condition. And once again I'm amazed at the insidiousness of blame. It's like a siren call, luring me to my doom. (I imagine blame appearing somewhat like a mermaid sitting on a rock in the ocean saying in a sultry voice: "Come. Come - it's not your fault. It's other people that are the problem….")

I feel guilty because Merlin hasn't been getting walkies as often because it's so slick out. He usually gets a walk in the AM and one in the PM, but now it's too cold and slippery with snow or ice at both those times. My wife's been walking him at lunch, but he's still hopeful in the morning….

I was pretty crabby this morning anyway. I have a cold so I haven't been sleeping well, so I’m exhausted. And I'm crabby about how cluttered our house is. So there was Merlin this morning, following me around and getting under my feet. And I got mad at him about it. Fortunately I have - finally - developed enough self-awareness and (even more important) self-control not to act on my anger. But I caught myself - I realized I was reacting internally to him as if it was his fault I couldn't give him what he wanted. How seductive is that thinking? If you want something that I can't give you, then I have to make you wrong for wanting it. I think we all like to imagine that we can't possibly understand the thinking behind domestic violence - but there it is. I'm uncomfortable with my feelings so I have to blame (or shame) you for doing the thing that's triggering them.

Oy vey. Spiritual growth is a long, slow journey.