Revising My Self Image

I had a nice visit with my dad. It felt good to be able to help both him and his partner. It was also was a relief to see that he's still his funny, loving, occasionally obnoxious self. He's doing his schtick with the nurses and loves entertaining them. He also seems to be adjusting to his vision limitations and not running into things as often. While I was there a couple of my brother's friends (who have met my dad) sent a package of food from Russ and Daughters deli in NY - 4 different kinds of smoked fish, bagels and bialys, two kinds of cream cheese and two kinds of herring. My dad was very moved - and I may have to try their chopped liver.

The most remarkable part of the visit was what I learned about my family - and my role in it. I have always seen myself as the difficult child. The "identified problem" in family systems theory. According to my dad, however, I was just a normal teenager, but my brother was "truly a pain in the ass." What?!? He described my brother as demanding and arrogant and again called him a pain in the ass. I had NO IDEA, and once again need to revise my view of myself.

God (?) is Good

My dad started radiation this week; I'll go visit at the end of the month. He sounds fine and, except for listing slightly to the left (he doesn't see well out of his left eye), is getting around without any problems. I was sick, then my spouse was. My spouse's mom was in hospice care and then died last week - L. is the executor so she's been dealing with all kinds of not-very-fun stuff. It's been a strange journey the past few weeks.

Love - in the form of food - has poured into this house and been awe-inspiring. I had a weird conversation with my mom about spirituality (any conversation with my mom about spirituality is bound to be weird). Today I was listening to Christian radio (yes - hang in here with me) - it is inspirational, even having to do the translating. I do believe that I've been healed by god (read: love). I found myself crying this morning while listening to songs about having faith and knowing I'm loved during times of pain. Crying in joy, pain, sorrow, awe and everything.

Years ago I heard an episode of Prairie Home Companion about a guy who went out ice fishing. He broke his leg and lay on the ice, knowing he would die if no one found him soon. He wasn't expected anywhere so no one would miss him for awhile. But his wife came looking for him. When she found him lying there, all he could say was "God is good. God is good."

However you spell or define god - amen.


On a different note - but related through the idea of the wonderment of the world - is feedback I received from an ebay seller (warning: a little bragging. But the point is the originality of the feedback, not my behavior.) "I'm more likely to drink tea with Bigfoot than to find another buyer this good." If there were awards for most creative feedback (maybe there are?) that would be my pick for winner.