Letter to the Chiropractor I Won't See Again

January 10, 2010

Dr. _______,

I won’t be returning to your office for treatment and I want to explain why.

I am pleased with the medical care I received. Your biomechanical exam was the most complete I’ve had. Thank you for your thoroughness and care. The quality of the care you provided made my decision not to return particularly difficult. The problem is that I no longer feel emotionally safe in your offices, because of a conversation I had last week with ______, the young man who provides ultrasound treatment.

While working on my neck and shoulders, he and I talked about his plans to be a teacher and his current volunteer work teaching Sunday school in Sunnyside – both of which I am impressed by and commended him for. _____ then asked me if I attend church. I told him we had been attending the Unitarian Church because it is one of the only places we feel welcomed as a same-sex couple – and I added that I think it’s ridiculous that we don’t feel welcome at other churches. _____’s response was, “Well, if you believe in the Bible, it’s a problem.”

I told him I see it as a spirit-of-the-law rather than a letter-of-the-law thing. He asked what I meant, and I said, “God either loves us or he doesn’t. I didn’t choose to be the way I am (who would?) and I don’t believe God would have made me this way if he didn’t want me to be this way.” _____ said he has been given the choice about what behavior to engage in. I told him that I believe God loves me exactly as I am, to which he responded, “Well, there’s the concept of loving the sinner and hating the sin.”

We were finished with my treatment and as I got up to leave I asked him if he’d chosen to be attracted to women. He said no, and I responded, “Neither did I.”
My heart hurt all the way home and I spent most of the evening on the phone with friends dealing with my pain and sadness. No one has ever had the nerve to call my relationship a sin to my face before.

As a business owner, you are no doubt aware that telling your patients that their behavior is sinful is a poor business practice. I have many friends in this community – some straight, some not, some Christian, some not. All of them will be appalled when I tell them this story – and I will tell all of them. The ones with whom I’ve already talked certainly have been disturbed by it.

I’m sure you are also cognizant as a healer that restoring health requires safe space. Making one of your patients feel hurt, judged, and unwelcome isn’t very conducive to healing.

_____’s attitude also worries me for the students with whom he will interact. Suicide rates among gay and lesbian youth are much higher than in the general population. Will he respond in the same judgmental way when one of his students confides that he’s gay? Everyone deserves to feel supported and accepted for who they are.

My spouse and I are both active and productive members of this community. We’ve served on committees at our church, helped prepare meals for Home Sweet Home mission, volunteered for Habitat for Humanity, the Fuller Center, the McLean County Arts Center and the public radio station, among others. My spouse traveled three times to Mississippi, using her vacation time to help with rebuilding efforts following Katrina.

Being in a loving, healthy relationship has made much of that possible, because being loved enables us to pass it on to others. I don’t know if you agree with Jason’s views or not, but I hope not. I personally don’t believe that anything that brings more love into the world is wrong in God’s eyes.

I wish both you and _____ only love and joy.

Many blessings,