Holes in Our Hearts

I've been emotional the past couple days, triggered by David Foster Wallace's death. His loss has affected many people here.

I'm not sure what all my emotion is about, though I'm sure it's not all about him. Some of it is a global sadness when anyone that added something positive to the world dies. Some of it is sorrow for my friends who are struggling to come to terms with the loss of a friend who was apparently a good, kind man, and who they cared about deeply.

I didn't know David - the extent of my interaction was hearing him speak a couple of times - but several of my friends did. One of them asked me a couple days ago if I'd ever read his work. I'd tried years ago - long before I moved here - to read his first novel and couldn't get through it. She suggested I read some of his short pieces and sent me the youtube video of him reading a couple. I'm not sure what made me feel so blown away by it, but as I watched, somehow it became clear to me what a brilliant light the world has lost.

Another of David's friends sat next next to me at a play last night and before the show started we talked about her attempts to understand what had happened. She was struggling to put into words how she felt. As the play was starting, I finally got it. I turned and said to her quietly, "We have to figure out how to live with holes in our hearts."

It's likely that my sorrow is mostly about the holes in my heart I have to learn to live with. I know what some of those holes are, and some I'm still discovering. Losing great artists like David adds a hole, especially when we lose them far too early. (Is there ever a time when we lose brilliant souls that it isn't too early?)

Update: Sept. 27 - Yesterday Salon.com published a wonderful article by Robert Ito about David and his struggles.